Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
