Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Randomize
