how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize