new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
