So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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