I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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