You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
