my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
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