guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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