wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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