I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
