somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
