do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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