That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
