just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
