he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
