Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Randomize
