tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
