sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
