eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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