He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize