Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Randomize
