margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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