We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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