So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Randomize
