We named our party play list daddy issues
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
