i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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