do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Randomize
