We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
