You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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