bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
