just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Your dad touched me again.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
