Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
