How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I am midnight drunk by noon
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
