I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
