Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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