just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Watching her eat just hurts me
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
