so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
