I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
