So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
