how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
