Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
