ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
