i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
