omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
