I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
