My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
