just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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