that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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