thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
