I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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