U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
