sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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