I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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