guys are not supposed to queef...right?
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
