It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Randomize
