Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize