i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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