Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
