So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
