eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
