if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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