Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
