This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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