he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Enjoy the penises
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Randomize
