Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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