have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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