Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
