O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Randomize
