im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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