Reggie can tackle my bush.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
