Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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