you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
