i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
