Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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