Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
even my farts smell like vagina
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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