You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
This is the high leading the old right now
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Randomize
