i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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