She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
