Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
We are all done wearing pants today
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
