butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Randomize
