What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
