you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
