she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize