did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
