So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
